Breaking News… Nobody Knows what the Hell is going on in North Korea

North Korea's only well-fed individual looks at something... possibly that rocket.

The news has been abuzz with reports recently of North Korea’s latest attempt to launch a rocket. It was reported just days before the launch that the rocket may or may not have had some problems.

There is rumour and conjecture that the launch, which apparently did happen, may or may not have had something to do with the South Korean presidential election which will take place next week, and also that it did not have anything to do with that. Other sources claim that it has been of vital importance to get this rocket to work during this calendar year, in celebration of the centenary of the birth of the nation’s founder, Kim il Sung, who has been dead for 18 years and is still the North Korean President.

Kim Jong Un points at something important. Photo: Reuters
Kim Jong Un points at something important.
Photo: Reuters

An inexhaustible lineup of old white men and young attractive blonde women continue to state categorically that North Korea is unpredictable, and a serious threat to the west, and the world… and that nobody knows what the fuck is going on up there.

There was also a tragic mall shooting in the United States a few hours ago. Nothing else has happened today.

Update: Further information has come to light that any reporting on anything that may or may not have happened in North Korea this morning is pure speculation. Certainly more to come…

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