Breaking News… Nobody Knows What the Hell is Going on in North Korea

North Korea's only well-fed individual looks at something... possibly that rocket.
North Korea’s only well-fed individual looks at something… possibly that rocket.

The news has been abuzz with reports recently of North Korea’s latest attempt to launch a rocket, which may or may not have been a mission to put a satellite in orbit. It was reported just days before the launch that the rocket may or may not have had some problems and that the North Koreans were delaying the launch window to some point in the near future. The launch may or may not have been successful, depending on whatever the hell its purpose was, which nobody seems to know.

There is rumour and conjecture that the launch, which apparently did happen, may or may not have had something to do with the South Korean presidential election which will take place in one week, and also that it did not have anything to do with that. Other sources claim that it has been of vital importance to get this rocket to work during this calendar year, in celebration of the centenary of the birth of the nations founder, Kim il Sung, who has been dead for 18 years and is still the North Korean President.

An apparently inexhaustible lineup of North Korea experts and reasonably good looking female news correspondents continue to state categorically that nobody knows what the fuck is going on up there…

There was also a tragic mall shooting in the United States a few hours ago. Nothing else has happened today.

Update: Further information has come to light that any reporting on anything that may or may not have happened in North Korea this morning is pure speculation. More to come…

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