Aliens from Planet Gootan: Crisis Alert!!

Just one of the giant spaceships form Planet Gootan that keep getting delayed from reaching Earth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It came to my attention a while back that quite a few people are interested in the ongoing developments regarding the arrival of aliens from Planet Gootan. In order to learn more about the looming intergalactic crisis, thousands of Earth citizens have wisely chosen Peninsularity Ensues as their primary source of Gootan-related information.

After conducting five minutes of my own research into this inexplicable, though not unwelcome turn of events, I recently learned that Peninsularity Ensues is now ranked first (!!!) among Google’s 24,000 search results for “Gootan”.

I learned about the Gootan situation less than a year ago whilst reading the Korea Times (the newspaper that somehow reprinted a story from The Onion, informing its dozens of loyal readers that Kim Jong-un had been voted sexiest man alive). The KT in all its journalistic glory also broke the news of the coming Gootan invasion, complete with a still photo from the movie ‘District 9‘, reprinted from the Weekly World News (also not a source of real news).

Given that I am now (as deemed by Google) the world’s foremost authority on all things Gootan (which sounds logical enough), it is my responsibility to alert the concerned masses still enquiring into the arrival last year (which didn’t happen) of the massive spaceships from Planet Gootan (which don’t exist), by providing the latest information on the Gootan situation as it stands. Of course, it goes without saying that we at PE intend no offence toward all you nutjobs and weirdos who have given this happy little website so much traffic. Keep it coming, you loveable knuckleheads!

Here, for the first time, in the interest of easing the disturbed minds of billions of people whose attention spans apparently no longer exceed 140 characters (not you dear reader, obviously), we have some new information of vital importance.

The arrival date once more pushed forward… to March 2013.

Please share this information with everyone you know, as the fate of the world depends on… well, pretty much everything other than this.

1. Planets outside our solar system have names like Gliese 518c, PSR B1620-26 b, or HD 209458 b (they kinda have to be named like this because there’s billions of them)… NOT ‘Planet Gootan’. That’s just fucking ridiculous.

2. The Weekly World News, the “newspaper” that originally broke the Planet Gootan story and incorrectly predicted the arrival of the aliens in their massive spaceships late last year, is not a newspaper! One story from late last year announced that Facebook will be shutting down this May. Recently it announced that Oprah Winfrey has adopted Lindsey Lohan. For future reference, please think of the WWN as being like The Onion, with less wit. Whilst many may remain confused about the validity of such websites, given that supposedly legitimate newspapers, such as the Korea Times are not immune to reprinting stories from The Onion and WWN as genuine news articles (for reasons that have never been adequately explained)… please just exercise your best judgement… or phone a friend.

3. To the 27,000 (!?) people who took the time and effort to comment on the Weekly World News’ Facebook “story”, as well as the thousands of commentors concerned with the impending Gootan situation… you guys need to go out and get jobs… and your access to electricity revoked.

4. To the forum poster citing the ‘UN Panel for Extraterrestrials’ (?) who helpfully provided a physical description of one of the landed spacecraft… “The Gootan spaceship is cylindrical on either side and has a shape in the middle.” – you are a satirical fucking genious (I sincerely hope)…

5. Yahoo Answers?? Actually, that sounds about right. This is the kind of intellectual strength we need in times of crisis such as these.

Incontrovertible proof. Aliens!!!

Fear not dear readers. Clearly we are still at present only scratching the surface regarding the Gootan issue and the immense implications this will have on the fate of humankind. The dedicated staff of one at Peninsularity Ensues’ global headquarters will provide updates as they come to hand.

Go Planet Gootan!

17 thoughts on “Aliens from Planet Gootan: Crisis Alert!!

  1. I believe this is a Gooish conspiracy. The Goos of Gootan are trying to dominate the media on planet earth for nefarious reasons pertaining to the Gooish plot. Their pro-Goo anti-Earthling agenda has been apparent for quite some time. They are also in control of the U.S. Senate through their plant, Al Franken of Minnesota. He’s full of goo.

  2. I have seen several years ago, a reptilian and she put some sort of chip in my wrist. I can now predict the future and it is very dismal I must say, illuminati is working hard in asia due to the fact that the middle east blew up and nukes this time not wmd………….maybe gootan is well rearrange it and you shall be revealed the truth, the disinformation……………………….

  3. Haters……

    I know, for a fact, that the Gootanesians exist.

    At this very moment they are meeting with the crack journalists of WWN, Obama, JFK, Elvis and the Mighty Demons of Uruq to plan the submission of the earth.

    It’s right there in black & white if you would only believe.

  4. Yeah people you all are still the same just like the old ages where they got warnings from their prophets of such crisis yet they laugh and ignore it until they face it…just like atlantis….pyramid in egypt, greeks, maya and so on…until they got exiled, until when this ignorance? You guys won’t think? Not even once? We are among this huge cosmos and yet we are in blood and flesh real and alive? So why only our exsistance is the only fact to our selfs alone, and not for other beings around the galaxy’s aswell…., well so be it if you prefer being puppets of your own weak nonsense beliefs.

  5. Gootans or not, we still have to deal with the fact of Nibiru, Annunaki and Nephilium. Apparently Marduk ( AKA RA AKA Alah), Enki’s son, landed in South Africa and 91 world leaders traveled to meet him. So are they planning mass extinction of people for their new race?

  6. The funny thing is, that no one has gotten one clear picture of any this. Its always blurred. I’m sorry but we have gotten to the point in technology that someone can get a clear picture.

  7. The truth is obvious! The Gootans are preparing by teaching our infants to speak “Goo” ahead of their invasion.

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