Airbus A380… Everyone’s a Comedian

Recently I caught an Airbus A-380. It’s a rather large airplane, which carts about the population of an Australian inland city. Funnily enough, it’s compartmentalised and seems a lot smaller from the inside (not unlike an Australian inland city).

I slump exhausted into my seat, and notice the piped music. This is new. Bob Marley suggests that I not worry about a thing, because every little thing is gonna to be alright. I’m not scared of flying, but it’s a comforting thought.

So, that’s cool. The next song is Blackbird, by The Beatles. This is actually one of my favourite songs, the second line of which is, ‘…take these broken wings and learn to fly’. Hmmm, slightly less comforting, but, anyway…

Next on the easy-listening playlist is The Eagles, singing, ‘Take it to the Limit’. I figure… if we’re still on our training wings, which are, according to Paul McCartney, broken… perhaps it would be sensible to take it to perhaps only eighty percent of the limit, as a precautionary measure.

I’ve been roaming around for years, and just accept that this big metal tube with 53,000 people inside is somehow going to get airborn. Fuck it, I’m no physicist. I am starting to think though that someone at Emirates Airlines has a sense of humour… or maybe it’s just my holiday-induced semi-delirium, connecting random dots.

We’re still on the tarmac. Bowie sings ‘Starman’.

We’re still not at that part where the bored young women explain in perfect silent synchronicity how best to keep our bodies from flying apart when the plane crashes. This is, I assume, purely for the benefit of those who will have to identify my various body parts… bless them.

Many people on this flight out of Moscow don’t speak English, and those around me give the giggling, crazy man as much space as possible. In economy class, this can only be a good thing.

The Beatles return, semi-postumously singing, ‘Free as a Bird’.

The bored-looking young women give the safety presentation, with that video which is always a really awkward animation. That’s international law apparently.

Onward and upward.

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